A young novice asking his master:
- Novice Monk: Master, why do we seem to have fewer friends as we get older?
- Master: Because, as we grow, many unforeseen events occur, and they don’t give us the chance to learn how to let go of our pride.
- Novice Monk: So, what does that feel like?
- Master: Basically, one day, we turned around and realized we were walking that path alone—completely alone.
- Novice Monk: That sounds lonely. How does one move through that?
- Master: Loneliness, much like love, is a feeling that can either heal or hurt us, depending on how we approach it. If we cling to the past—if we hold onto pride or regrets—we remain trapped in isolation. But if we can learn to release those attachments, we can walk the path alone without feeling lonely.
- Novice Monk: So, it’s not about having many friends, but the quality of the connection we hold with ourselves and others?
- Master: Exactly. True companionship begins within. The more we let go of pride, fear, and expectations, the more space we create for meaningful relationships—ones that nourish rather than drain. As we grow, we realize that not all friendships are meant to last forever. And that’s okay.
- Master: It’s not that we lose friends as we age—it’s that we begin to understand the nature of true connection. Some people are meant to walk with us for a while, and others come into our lives for a season, teaching us lessons along the way. When we accept that, we find peace.
- Novice Monk: In that peace, we are not alone?
- Master: Not at all. When we let go of pride and attachments, we make room for the love that heals. That love, whether from within or shared with others, is the true companion we seek. We are never truly alone. The path to peace is not found in holding onto the past or clinging to what’s familiar. It’s found in letting go, embracing change, and walking forward with an open heart.
As we grow older, our social circles tend to shrink. This isn’t always a matter of choice, but rather a natural consequence of life’s progression. Unpredictable challenges—such as career changes, personal losses, evolving values, or new responsibilities—can shift relationships, often leading to separations or drifting apart. These changes force us to focus on other priorities, leaving little space to nurture friendships.
This is the bittersweet reality of aging. As we navigate complex life situations, we also carry pride—whether it’s in our achievements, decisions, or self-image. We may never fully learn to relinquish this pride or become truly “humble,” and as a result, emotional walls can form. These barriers make it harder to connect with others, and we may not even recognize when we begin to isolate ourselves. Loneliness, in this sense, is the quiet realization that we are walking a path where true connection has become scarce. It suggests that solitude creeps up on us gradually, and we may not fully grasp it until we’ve already traveled a significant distance down that lonely road.
In the process of growing and maturing, we may unintentionally close ourselves off from others, ending up on the journey of life alone, even though that was never our intention.
Have you ever looked back and realized that the friends you once had are no longer by your side?
I hope you all are able to hold onto at least one true friend, keeping meaningful connections in your life.
